Handling Criticism or Questions About Using a Surrogate and/or Egg Donor

Building a family through surrogacy and/or egg donation is a beautiful and deeply personal journey. A journey that can bring unexpected challenges, like criticism, invasive questions, or curious minds that sometimes cross boundaries.
If you’re pursuing this path, know you’re not alone and that you have every right to protect your privacy! You are welcome to share only what you’re comfortable sharing while standing confident in your choice to expand your family.
Here are some thoughts on navigating those conversations:
1. Decide What You Want to Share
First, how much of your story do you wish to share?
- Do you want to keep details private except with close family or friends?
- Are you comfortable sharing your journey more publicly?
- Are there parts you’d prefer to keep entirely to yourself?
2. Prepare Simple, Polite Responses
Often times, people ask personal questions without realizing that their questions may make you feel uncomfortable. It can be helpful to practice responses such as:
- “That’s a topic we’ve chosen to keep just for our family.”
- “We’re grateful for modern medicine and the amazing people who’ve helped us become parents.”
- “We’re keeping that part of our journey private, but we’re so excited about welcoming our new addition!”
These help set clear boundaries while steering the conversation away if you’d prefer not to go into more detail!
3. Educate If You’re Comfortable
It can be empowering and helps normalize these paths to parenthood by educating!
For example:
- “Surrogacy and egg donation are safe and ethical ways for people to grow their families when they can’t conceive on their own.”
- “Our surrogate is an incredible person who wanted to help someone have a child. We’re so thankful for her generosity!”
- “There are many misconceptions about surrogacy and egg donation, but the truth is these journeys are built on medical science, legal protections, and compassion.”
- “Our child was born with the help of an egg donor, but we are 100% their parents.”
A little education can go a long way in dispelling myths and reducing stigma.
4. Remember That Criticism Often Comes from Misunderstanding
Unfortunately, some people may have outdated ideas or judgments about assisted reproduction. It’s helpful to keep in mind that most criticism comes from a place of not fully understanding—not from any intentional unkindness.
- Some worry surrogacy is exploitative.
- Some don’t understand how the process works.
- Some struggle to accept nontraditional paths to parenthood.
It’s not your job to change everyone’s mind. Protect your energy and focus on the support you have from those who matter most!
5. Lean on Your Support System
Find your tribe: whether that’s supportive family and friends, other intended parents, or online communities who’ve been through this journey! Connecting with those who truly understand can make such a difference, especially on the days when criticism hits a little harder.
6. Stand Proud in Your Story
Most importantly, there’s absolutely nothing shameful or second-rate about the way you are growing your family. Surrogacy and egg donation are incredible acts of love and generosity. Your journey might look different from someone else’s, but it’s every bit as meaningful and truly magical.
If people criticize or question your choices, keep your head high, wear that crown proudly! You are building your family with so much courage, resilience, and love and that is something to be deeply proud of.
Whether you choose to share every detail or keep your journey private, remember that your family’s story is valid and beautiful. Handle questions and criticism in the way that feels healthiest for you.
Know that you have An Eggceptional Match and a community of like-minded people cheering you on!